| "its scientifically proven that humans favorite word is their own names..." |
None of this belongs to me. title and all pete wentz said it on may 24th. marriage in his future. only i feel as if it poured from me without having too. this is amazing read carefully, and slowly understand the man. he is amazing.
can we keep this one just between you and me?
to you. to the old me. to the new me. the knew me:
Everyone thinks that they're special. That their chip was programmed different. That their antenna picks up some other sattellite. And were right and were wrong. Were not as leaky and broken as wed like to think. Were not bob. we're not kurt. But this doesn't mean we don't have insight and perspective that are completely blurry through the camera of the world. We just need to practice our focus. Make things a bit sharper. That's what I'm doing. Practicing.
Be like your ipod. Put your life on shuffle.
pain as much from the stars and black cats as from childhood. big star states spit big stars. chew 36 times exactly before you swallow your pride. you know how it goes? i want to chase the midnight glow in my veins. how do i get as big as that star on your state so youll pay attention to me. smash that glass bowl on the floor and get our keys. lets drive to another state or to mexico and watch the old men drunk on watered down beer- laugh about the way we used to be even though were still exactly the same. where do we begin? lonely spiders under our skin, regail us with tales of young love in the bottom of bottles defended by crocodile scales.
this place can spin boring. slow and steady. it can storm and scare you. wars and famine. but everyonce in awhile the planets align and it can charm you. make you not wish you were other people, but hope you get the chance to know them so they can know you too. make you not hate the delay at the airport but get to know that your friend on the phone is gonna be able to finish the whole 3am story he was skipping through for you.
essentially my life is a public laundrymat. i do my dirty laundry in front of you. and you let me know if there are any stains left. sometimes we connect with eachothers stains and just wear them like badges shining in the sun.
this is us wishing we were you wishing you were us.
neverending.
thank you for being steady. for never getting sick at sea.
im putting me back on shuffle. |
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| “gonna move to New York cuz that’s where somebody told me demons should go.” |
Current mood: mellow
We're criminally carefree.
Mirrors are breaking. Can't sleep and the trip to the moon is looking shorter. Everything’s ok. Looking up give or take. Feeling off level and dust is filling my lungs. All eyes are starting to focus and I'm losing my courage. Last minute is too late and dawn is ready to break. Where to go from here has the fear rising.
Millions of people spend billions of dollars. Worshipping mistakes and failures.
Looking for a distraction from what they call life.
I don’t want to be one of them.
Refuse in fact. life has a bigger meaning. We're all set for the next act.
Always am I waiting. Never will I shed a tear for things. That I have done.
Can you say the same? |
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| “listen up now honey” Easter egg dreams and pastel petal beams… |
Current mood: different.odd.
The grass grows in the annoying way it has. Only in the spring. We talk with our tongues out, mimicking dogs in the heat. We try not to drool, but do anyway following the patterns we've learned. Pretty. Odd if you ask me. Dropping to evolve past the animals inside us. The world stresses over the economy and we stress over our sounds. Music in our heads and signs in the sky. Clouded visions and clouds filling our sight. We wish for parades and march to our own beat. We look upward and stumble over our own feet.
This is our world. Our life.
life is good. if we can believe it. more than alright and you need to let yourself know it.
Learn how to show it. |
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| Fuchsia lust. Love between the two of us. |
Current mood: good
Days pass and we walk on together. A generation getting older. Where has the time gone? Where is our epiphany? We are slowing down. Bracing one another. One another’s worlds. Have we learned? Improved? On one another. Cant wait till you hold me again. Coming around to realize how good I really have it. We are equals in a world where no one is. Two halves in a world that is giving up. I'll follow you on. You get thru to me when no one else can. Your my good morning side. Your my better half of the line we all must cross. No matter where my mind wonders it is always coming back to you. |
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| The space between is growing (not so thin) |
Current mood: annoyed
Bottle this up. Shit out of luck. Aiming to be somebody that people trust. A soul that people believe in. Love. Its almost the only good thing worth trying to be. I want to do it for me. Symptoms and sentiments. Bargaining to gain more than I bargained for. I’m running at night. Then sleeping like its still winter. Fire burning in my mind but not under me. Flickering out. Taking a fall. Back against the wall and time is running short. Wanna make it better so badly. New Years resolutions are falling thru and I'm fighting for my life. Like it’s slipping away. And the chance to have the one I want is. A career worth a damn. Like my chances are growing slim. Unlike myself. And they are. And I’m not. Childhood dreams. I’m ripping myself open at the seams. |
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| “If the clouds were singing a song, I‘d sing along, wouldn’t you too? ” |
Current mood: jubilant
Your heartbeat fills my ears. my ringing head is soothed by its rhythm. here is my home. my soul feels more complete inside your flesh than inside its own. we stock pile our memories. years spent together. filling closets and nooks. we saved each others lives once. how do we forget that. something more from a movie than a fairy tale. we've had more troubles than strictly necessary and have a nasty tendency of biting back. we cycle together and hold hands through the strain. we've made it through wind and rain and hail and ice. will we make it now that the weather is beginning to look nice. look into one another’s face to face the fact that this is how our lives are meant to be spent and there is no turning back.
backs to the wind and hands held tight we face forward and walk on through this night. |
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| liar liar pants on fire. do you wanna hang from a telephone wire? |
Current mood: nervous
thin blue lines and infinite red ones. i seem unable to achieve either. lost in the middle and losing myself. transitions of body or of the mind. never found to begin with. attempting to achieve the impossible . the required isn’t much different and i don’t think i’m in it to win it. when will this. end. looking for truth in blue. and finding only liars. liars within layers. myself. blinding my own eyes. something’s can never be and my will is pathetic. diein to be fit. not fit to serve. them on a platter. the cling of keys and the satisfying click of metal falling into place have me dreaming of flashing lights and endless nights. turning into dust as my body does the same. endless game of cat and mouse with myself. two down one up. what a pointless pursuit.
where’s your weapon officer? |
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| "i want this to be a remix of our nighttimes" - I cant help but quote the same old lines. |
Current mood: moody
we sit around and weave words. telling tall tales that even we don’t believe. i have no real scars, no real experience. we pretend though. perfecting the art of acting. i learn how by following your lead. you pretend that you get me, pretend you understand where i'm coming from, i'll pretend to care when you give me advice. how do you know something i don’t. I’ve hidden myself away somewhere. my life is a quest. a search for something that will never be found. men in uniforms telling me i shouldn’t and wondering if perhaps i should've stayed in the kitchen.
so many pieces have fallen into place. so much is perfect or so very close.
how do i find the last few pieces of me, the ones needed to make me feel complete.
it's not easy hiding, it's not easy running away when i know its only me chasin me. |
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| "dancing at the disco, dieing on the dance floor." |
Current mood:embarrassed
Beautiful freedom. No dieing for a greater good. The beauty of erasing. Not forgetting.
I want to explain the horrid beauty of erasing. Thinning it out. leaving no doubt. Remembering the steps, the touches, the flavors. The satin on lips and the gluten on hips. Dieing to fade away. To drift into nothingness. Mirrors are breaking. Fists and no one wants to see this. Polar opposite of attractive. Sleep never sounded so good or felt so far away. No one needs to know if we decide to let go.
What do ya say.
Devine intervention denied. |
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| Leaving myself notes in lipstick. Bathroom mirrors and long lost hopes. |
Current Mood: cynical
I'm so sorry. Now its too late. Why did I hurt you. Changes to myself. Changes to the world. Coulda been so much more. So careless with myself. With my flesh. My prison. It coulda been better. Been tighter, sexier, stronger. Better. THINNER. Pass the mirror. Satan in glass. Let me see your face. Your crying. Hurting. Whispering. Taste tears. Pain. Years. EVERYTHING. Cant let this go. Weight on my shoulders is only the beginning. Dieing to get down.
Vanity death and soulless quest. Where can this lead.
How did I get here.
In my own head.
Body swapping doesn’t sound so bad. |
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| When the day met the night...have I been here before? |
Current mood: Nostalgic/grateful
We were one mistake from not being together. We both know what that feels like. I feel like I'm finally taking control of my life. Feel like I’m losing control with you tonight. Only a minute to think. If you will take me as I am, I will take all that you have to give. Craving more. Always. Hungry for life. You know I need you. You know I beg in my sleep. This is reality. This is more than most ever get. Loved one is so below you. Worshipped sounds closer. Think of the past. Talk it over. We're still discovering. This is so worth it. Late night thoughts and typical reactions. Nothing to regret, the words I whisper in the dark are more than the truth. Think of the past and of the moans in the night. |
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| “The scars of the past are not yet sore.” |
Current mood: worried
Lets see if hope floats. I have a feeling it wont. Sinking ships and your at the bottom of the ocean. Half of me and I can't reach you. Water logged and swollen. Making peace with our gills and fins. Americans resurrected and a smiling death. They watch us flounder as they get theirs. Half the pain half the numbness. Staring in wonder at green eyes I know so well. All they’ve seen. Eden lost in a sea of black. This isn’t right. The ocean is too big and we are swirling down. Holding hands and dreaming of brighter days. Don't let them take this away.
Father forgive us for we are sin. Father forgive them for they don't know what they do, no wait that’s not right, father send them straight to hell for the evils they have done, for the hurt they have instilled.
They don’t know what they are throwing away. I cant lie to you. I cant take this without you. So much space between us and yet I know how close we could be. There is so much better, and it is meant for you. |
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| Pretty. Odd. |
Current mood: mischievous
Fall into me. Like I unto you. And we are the life you live. We are the pain . As well as the pleasure. That causes obsession. Life’s fullest endeavor. We are a twin set. Set like a bomb. Ticking away seconds. Until we arrive. At the end of the road.
Two separate people. Sharing one space. Pulling away little. Tiny parts of each other. I am the dark side. You bring the light. You need me. Love me and treat me. Like the part that I am. The part that is you. We listen. We are true.
Fall into me. Like I unto you. Turn off the lights. We know this space. By hearts. That beat together. |
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| Divine intervention denied |
Current mood: thoughtful
Pretty petals in the breeze. Horses graze majestic fields. The color of your eyes. Rainbows across blue skies. Nice to look at but they don't make the world work. I sit and stare at the beauty god made.
It's the dark alleys that kiss his creations. They are what cause the world to spin. To mean. The pain of a lost love, a broken nose. The fear of the dark and of loneliness. The knowledge that it could end at any moment.
Black and white need one another. Like a clock needs a bomb.
Like the tides that ebb and flow the devil makes it interesting
God just makes it so.
He gave me you to remind me that I have a reason to breath. |
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| Baby you can be oh so typical. Your words are the only ones that make sense to me. You don’t even know. |
Current mood: thankful
I making it myself. A new me. A new point of view. All wrapped up. In ribbon for you. Trying so hard to be all you wanted but still all I need. Pretty and careless. Smart yet submitting. Poetic but strong. Silly but sure.
You are so perfect. So strong and pretty to look at. And I should be too. I should be you. I want to.
Equal and opposite. We’ll be whispered into history. We are the wind of a butterflies wings, on the current of eternity. We are everything and nothing more. |
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...genuine and unprepared..
500 words or less...
lost and found. contradictory. sXe. pretentious. spoiled. fangirl. writer. photographer. artist. mother. girlfriend. creative. I am wherever, whenever. terminal.
I am alive, are you? I am the saddest-happyiness and vice versa. I am forever, young but ageless, a scorpio, am I madd? I love Greg, cats. reading. poetry. rain. flowers. aubergine. fuschia. I miss my mommy, partying, and being my own boss. I'm addicted to my son, art, love, tat's, friends, music, and the internet.
I am alive and art is life, am I art?
Wanna know more...
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Tuesday, June 3, 2008 
posted by ...genuine and unprepared.. at 6/03/2008 11:52:00 PM - 
